See Who I Am
by shy-n-great
Summary: AU. Lucius Malfoy spent so long atoning for the one mistake he could never make right. Hermione Granger forgave him for everything. That one mistake is now coming back, making Lucius wish he had never let Hermione get so close and he'd told her sooner.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: **All belongs to J K Rowling.

**A/N: **It's been a very long time since I've written any kind of fan fiction, but I found this, nearly finished, written not long after Deathly Hallows was published, hidden among my old notebooks. I couldn't help but put it up here for old times sake, and finish the end of it with your thoughts in mind. It's not a long story, and as I said, it's mostly written. I look forward to hearing what you think about it. Be warned...it's all angsty and mushy.

* * *

**Prologue**

Hermione smoothed out her dress. Her _white_ dress. She could just about comprehend that in less than an hour she was going to be someone's wife. As for that someone being Lucius Malfoy was something she didn't think she would ever get her mind to understand. However, her heart was very sure of one thing- its love for this man was so great she thought it would break if she held anymore for him.

Taking a last look in the mirror, Hermione straightened her small diamond hanging from a delicate gold chain. It was the first gift Lucius had ever given her. She gave the dress another look for creases in the silk, floor-length, simple wedding gown. No fancy needlework, no bold colours, and definitely nothing puffy. Just straight, clean and figure-hugging with a modest cut on the bodice. And on this rare occasion, Hermione's hair fell in sleek waves down her back.

Now that she was ready, Hermione took this time she'd saved to calm her nerves…she pulled a book off the shelf and went to the bay window. A glance through the window showed a large marquee residing on a substantial amount of the Malfoy grounds. Food was being shepherded into it speedily by Mrs Weasley and any poor souls she'd roped into helping. Hermione beamed at the sight before taking a seat, careful not to crease herself.

Almost at the end of the first chapter Hermione found her jittery nerves were distracting and she had no idea what she had just read. As she put the book back in its place a knock came at the door.

'Go away, Lucius!' Hermione berated softly. 'I told you not half an hour-' she stopped when it was Harry that entered into the room. 'Harry!'

'Sorry,' he apologised at breaking her rules of seeing her before the wedding. Harry faltered for a moment at seeing how delicate and beautiful she looked. He had a bad feeling about the letter he was holding, but Harry felt it his duty to be here if her heart was going to be broken. 'I went to…to check on Lucius, Hermione.'

The smile Hermione had held since he walked in the room disappeared.

'There was just this in his room.' Harry handed her the folded parchment.

Hermione took it and let her eyes rest on her name written in Lucius' fluid hand.

Shakily she unfolded it.

Not so long ago, Lucius had said four words that had made Hermione happier than she had thought possible: will you marry me?

In this letter Lucius had used four words to destroy that happiness and break her heart: You'll understand. Forgive me.

Harry managed to catch Hermione when her knees buckled and held her while she broke down in his arms.

* * *

Lucius threw his brandy-filled tumble at the mirror he'd been watching Hermione through, smashing the glass and mirror into many tiny pieces. He had seen her break down when she had read his letter. Lucius had done many cruel things in his life to gain power and to be on the right side of events. In hindsight, Lucius regretted every action with a fierce passion, but there was one that had haunted him for five years now. He thought about it every day. One action that he'd been desperately trying to atone for ever since he had done it. Now something else would take its place.

Lucius Malfoy is a strong and proud man with nothing able to break him. Or so he had thought. The moment Lucius saw Hermione's heart break, his own shattered and he instantly became a shell of a man.

Sinking down against the wall Lucius numbly watched all the other mirrors and the scenes of wedding preparations still continuing through his Manor. Pulling the bottle of brandy off the only table in the Room of Mirrors to him, ignoring some of it spilling onto his trousers and the glass cutting into the back of his legs, Lucius took a long and undignified gulp from the bottle.

'She'll understand one day,' Lucius whispered to the room.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Hope you're enjoying it as much as I'm enjoying revisiting it. I'm aware that Lucius is out of character...but hey, it's just some fun :).

* * *

**Chapter One**

**Four years, seven months and two weeks earlier**

Hermione Granger paced the small, cramped kitchen of the Weasleys' home. As soon as the sun had risen, she'd frantically dressed and began pacing. Today Hermione would receive her N.E.W.T results. Exams she didn't have to take but insisted on. Just because Voldemort had been defeated didn't mean she had to leave her Hogwarts' academics unfinished.

'Cup of tea, dear?' Mrs Weasley asked upon entering the kitchen.

'Sorry. I should have put a pot on,' Hermione apologised.

'Don't be silly.'

A tap at the window alerted Hermione to an owl holding a large envelop. She stalled and couldn't bring herself to let the bird in. Mrs Weasley did it for her. Hermione reluctantly took the envelope before the large barn owl bit her. Once the envelope was in her hands the bird left immediately, nearly colliding with an eagle owl as it entered. Both Mrs Weasley and Hermione stared at it in awe. The owl landed nimbly on the kitchen table and stared back.

Mrs Weasley moved to take the note off its leg. She was met with a firm peck. 'That's just bad manners!' Mrs Weasley snapped

'Let me try,' Hermione offered, placing her envelope down next to the owl. She too was met with a firm nip before the bird picked up her envelope. Hermione took the envelope and sighed heavily. 'I wish my mum and dad were here.'

Mrs Weasley hugged Hermione close, kissing her temple. 'I'm sure they're watching over you somewhere with pride.' Hermione smiled sadly, remembering the son that Mrs Weasley had lost too.

With a deep breath, Hermione began opening the envelope.

'Wait!' Harry called from the living room. 'We're coming!' Harry raced in dragging a barely awake Ron with him. They gathered round her. 'Okay. We're ready.' Harry nodded to the envelope.

'All O's! I could've told you that!' Ron griped. He got a smack round the back of his head off his mother for his efforts.

'No surprise but congratulations, Hermione,' Harry beamed.

'Let's celebrate!' Mrs Weasley suggested excitedly.

'Yeah,' Harry agreed, 'Let's go to Madam Puddifoot's for breakfast.'

'Yes please,' Hermione gushed. Then she heard snoring in her ear. 'Ronald! Get off me!' She moved away causing him to land on the table in a heap.

'Hey!' he grumbled before taking a seat. 'Whose is the owl?' Ron pointed to the preening bird.

'Oh.' Hermione moved to take the note and this time he let her. Once she had the note, the eagle owl gracefully left.

_Miss Granger,_

_Upon receiving excellent results I would like to offer you a position within my office in the Ministry of Magic._

_Respectfully,_

_Lucius Malfoy_

Harry snatched the letter off Hermione and checked the back for more.

'This has got to be some sort of joke!' Harry snapped re-reading the letter.

Hermione took the letter back and tore it up into tiny pieces. 'I was promised a lovely breakfast at Madam Puddifoot's!'

* * *

'Five weeks!' Lucius Malfoy snapped. 'Numerous letters and still she refuses to acknowledge me.'

Narcissa sighed heavily and put her magazine down to give her husband her full attention. Lucius took a seat on the couch next to her. 'Why are you so bothered by this girl?' Narcissa asked turning to place her legs on his lap. 'Why are you so surprised by her actions?'

'I suppose I shouldn't be, but I have wronged her and I need to make it right,' Lucius spoke tiredly. He unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt.

'Darling, you can't correct all of your mistakes,' Narcissa soothed brushing back stray hairs from his face.

'_Yes_, I do. And I _will_ make things right for her. It's the least she deserves.' Lucius pulled Narcissa to him. She settled quickly into his arms. 'I'm going to have to go to her. She's stubborn.'

Narcissa squeezed him gently. 'I've missed this.'

'What?' Lucius asked with a quick kiss to the top of her head.

'The husband I married.'

* * *

Hermione, with a weary sigh, sealed up the last box. She stood up slowly, her body aching from getting everything packed so quickly. This had only been the third time she had returned home since being told about her parents' deaths. On the second occasion she was barely there for a minute- the memories the walls held were too painful- and Hermione left quickly with the decision to sell the house. Her neighbour was most kind in helping her with it so that Hermione wouldn't have to be there for the viewings.

Stretching to ease her aching back muscles, Hermione took in the bare walls of the living room. All her family's possessions were in a few boxes, thanks to a little help of magic, with just a couple of things unpacked so that she could have a cup of tea.

Hermione moved slowly into the kitchen, placing her wand in her back jeans pocket. In a moment of sentimentality, Hermione had left three cups out- she would have one more cup of tea with her parents before she left her childhood home for good.

Once made, Hermione picked up her own cup, chinked the remaining two and leant against the counter sipping the hot liquid. Without meaning to, Hermione burst into tears. As she put the cup down to wipe away her tears she heard someone moving in the living room. Keeping a hand behind her, on her wand, Hermione forgot about the damp cheeks and moved swiftly to the living room.

'What are you doing here?' Hermione demanded, swiftly bringing her wand round to point it at Lucius Malfoy.

Lucius froze on the spot. 'You never returned any of my attempts to communicate with you,' he stated coolly. When Hermione said nothing or didn't move, Lucius continued. 'I would have thought you'd have better manners, Miss Granger.'

Hermione let her arm drop but kept the wand in her hand. 'Please leave. I'm not interested in anything you have to offer.' An involuntary sob escaped her with a few more tears sliding down her cheeks. She inwardly cursed herself for allowing him to see her like this.

Lucius cautiously stepped towards Hermione with a handkerchief. He relaxed when she gratefully took it to wipe her tears away.

'Name you salary,' he finally said.

Hermione stared at him. 'Why?' she croaked. 'Why are you so persistent to have me work for you? Is it so you can have some control over me?'

Lucius ignored the last question as he spoke. 'As Potter's friend you are someone I need to make amends with,' Lucius told her. It wasn't a lie, he was just omitting the bigger picture.

'And Ron or the Weasleys don't deserve the same?' Hermione snapped.

'I have already apologised to Arthur and had his salary raised,' Lucius spoke in a bored manner.

'You think that makes everything okay?' Hermione shook her head in disbelief. 'You're just trying to buy everyone back so that you can look down your nose at us all again.' Hermione turned back into the kitchen.

'Would it help if I told you that no one knows it was me who had his salary raised except Augustine in accounts. And now you.' Lucius found himself waiting on baited breath as Hermione hovered in the doorway. 'You wouldn't have to tell anyone you are working for me,' he offered when she said nothing.

'Why are you doing this?' Hermione sniffed, turning back to face him, not expecting him to be as close as he was.

'I'm trying to atone, Miss Granger,' he stated simply.

'It's that simple?' Hermione questioned. She peered up at him, scrutinising him with red, accusing eyes. 'You really are!' she said more to herself than to him.

Hermione suddenly spun away from him and walked into the kitchen. 'I have one condition,' she said over her shoulder, going to the three cups.

'Name it.' Lucius followed her, noting the three cups, two were still full. 'Were you expecting company?'

Hermione ignored him and continued with her condition. 'I can't stay with the Weasleys forever.' Lucius watched her take a quick sip of her tea, his handkerchief still in her hand. 'I also can't bear the thought of looking for somewhere to live either.'

Lucius looked puzzled. 'What is wrong-'

'_That_ is none of your business,' Hermione spoke bitingly.

Lucius felt himself flush hot and then cold…did she know?

'Sorry,' Hermione apologised immediately. She took a breath and took a sip of tea. Lucius realised she didn't know. 'If you could have one of your many assistants find me somewhere small and remote to live in then consider yourself atoned on my part without having to spend any money or see me in your office everyday.'

Lucius felt thrown by this. 'That's an unusual request.'

As if his words had flipped a switch, it suddenly looked like the world was resting on the world of Hermione Granger. 'I don't even know why I'm talking to you,' she spoke in frustration. 'I just…I'm so tired. All the time.' Tears started falling again and she put her cup down. 'I'm so incredibly lost.' Hermione glanced at an uncomfortable looking Lucius. 'You can leave now. I know you don't really care.'

Lucius did the reverse of her request without a thought as to why he was doing it. He crossed the small room and awkwardly pulled Hermione into a hug where she couldn't help but sob loudly, holding on to his cloak tightly, crying for the loss of her parents.

* * *

An hour, possibly two, later Hermione was sat on one of the boxes, with Lucius on another next to her, both drinking tea.

'It's an awfully brave move, Mr Malfoy. I applaud you for being so subtle about it all,' Hermione praised him when he'd finished telling her how he was trying to make it right. 'It must be a hard pill to swallow, forcing your views away like that.'

'It's a learning curve,' he stated honestly. Lucius glanced around the room as they sat in silence. 'There's a small cottage just off my grounds and not too far from the local village. It's been empty for a while now. I could make some enquires for you.'

'I couldn't let you do that. I was just being petty with my demand,' Hermione admitted with a blush. 'I think I said it more so that you would be outraged and leave.'

Lucius smirked. 'Not so long ago…let's just say that outrage is putting it mildly.'

'What changed it all for you?' Hermione enquired thoughtfully.

'Seeing my wife and son being used as puppets was not a sight any man likes to see. I had no way of protecting them and it was my entire fault it was happening. I've been such a fool,' Lucius told her with blunt truthfulness. 'Why isn't Potter with you?' he asked suddenly.

'I needed to do this on my own. Speaking of which, he'll be expecting me back soon,' Hermione said with a glance to her watch.

Lucius stood up with her. He picked up his cloak from another box and handed his cup to Hermione. 'I will enquire about the cottage and the job offer still stands.'

Hermione smiled gratefully at him before Lucius Disapparated.

Much to Harry and Ron's dismay, Hermione took the job the following week and moved into the cottage.

* * *

**Present Day**

Hermione gave up on sleep once more and got up. No matter what she did she couldn't rid herself of the deep pain buried in her heart. It had been almost two weeks and it hurt just as much as the day she read Lucius' note.

Pulling on her cardigan, Hermione went downstairs to the tiny kitchen of the quaint cottage Lucius had found for her. The only stroke of luck out of all her pain was her tenants had moved on a month before the wedding and she was able to move back into it straight away.

A lazy flick of her wand caused the kettle to fill itself before settling on the not lit stove. Hermione took a seat at the table. She was going to have to start to take control now. Two weeks was more than long enough to wallow in self-pity. Even if she did believe fiercely that Lucius was her soul mate, she wasn't going to be one of those women that let it consume her.

Hermione checked her watch- quarter past five in the morning. A nice cup of tea and she'd write some enquiring letters about jobs.

When the owl arrived with her post Hermione asked him to take her letters to the relevant people. She gave him a crust of toast for his travels. It was after owl had left that Hermione noticed the letter addressed to her in Lucius' handwriting. She picked it up with shaking hands and gripped it tightly in both hands. She was at risk of tearing it in two if she gripped it any tighter. Maybe- subconsciously- she wanted to do that. To take out all her pain and aching in this piece of parchment, but the love she held for Lucius wouldn't let her.

After a few minutes of silently arguing with herself, weighing up the pros and cons of opening the letter, Hermione reached a middle ground. She placed it in an unused kitchen drawer to be opened at a later date when she could read it with out crying. Her heart was in too many pieces to be strong enough for that right now.

Not wanting to face much else, Hermione made another cup of tea, picked up a book and went back to bed.

* * *

Draco was on his way to the dining room for breakfast and to get to the dining room you had to pass the library. It was walking pass this room that Draco, once again, saw his father staring out of its large bay window, the same window Hermione had been sitting in before she'd received his letter on their wedding day.

'It's no good continuing to feel sorry for yourself,' Draco snapped. 'You brought this on yourself and won't tell anyone your reasoning.'

Lucius remained unmoved, staring towards the dot he could just make out- Hermione's cottage.

'I'm not going to keep Potter and Weasley at away any longer. It's time you faced up to your actions. Father or not, I'm not protecting you anymore.' Draco moved on when he realised that all he was saying was not being taken in.

Lucius barely glanced at the now empty doorway before taking a seat in Hermione's rocking chair. The small round table next to it still held the small pile of books she was working through. He trailed a hand along the spines before picking up the top one with a bookmark in it and holding it in his lap.

He'd sent her a letter everyday for five days now with no response to any of them. He didn't know how to make it right. For the first time in nearly five years Lucius felt powerless to stop the events around him happening- no plan on how to make Hermione happy again. All he could hope for now is that she would understand one day and forgive him.

'You're still not holding the belief she would have married you if she knew, are you?' a voice spoke cruelly from the doorway.

Lucius scowled at the owner. 'You're not welcome in my home. I have done as you asked.' Lucius put the book back on the pile as he stood up to his full height.

'Far from it, Lucius,' the visitor spoke icily.

Lucius balled his fists up tightly, his anger coursing through him for leaving his wand in his office.

'Your father would be ashamed of this almost blunder. To rectify that, we're going to unite you with another Pureblood family.'

'I am not going down this path again,' Lucius snarled.

'Do you want her to know?'

Lucius stared hard at his persecutor. If only he had his wand. No one would ever know and then he could tell Hermione in his own time.

'Thought now. Now, this evening you are to attend this ball.' An invitation was flashed at Lucius before being placed on the bureau by the door. 'You _will_ attend and you are to forget Hermione Granger ever existed.'

Lucius threw the closest thing to him- Hermione's half-read book- at his tormenter in rage. He left before that book had even been picked up from the pile. Lucius sank back into the rocking chair. No matter which way he tried to move he was going to hurt Hermione more than he already had.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Three years, ten months, three weeks and five days early**

Hermione loved her job. Lucius Malfoy had his own department, something he had set up with the help of the Minister, to help Muggle families with their magical children. Hermione had thought it a little overkill on Lucius' part to mend his ways, but one day he let slip to Hermione at the Christmas party that running this department was part of his conditions of not going back to Azkaban.

'So it _is _true! A leopard _can't_ change its spots,' Hermione teased a little.

'Yes. Well I may have been reluctant-' Hermione snorted ungracefully into her wine at the word reluctant. 'Okay, I'd rather have had my wand stabbed into my ear.'

'What changed?" Hermione found herself asking.

'I met a young, mischievous Muggle-born boy who was very much like Draco as a child. It made me realise how much of my family I missed following the views I held and leading that life.' He took a sip of his cognac. 'Old age is making me sentimental,' Lucius added playfully.

'Nonsense. Surely Narcissa would love another child. You're both still young enough,' Hermione encouraged.

'Yes,' Lucius spoke thoughtfully, watching his wife mingle in the crowded room, 'She would rather spoil Draco as a young man than raise a child at this late stage.'

Hermione glanced at him watching Narcissa. 'And you?'

'I cannot deny that I would have loved a daughter, but I am happy if Narcissa is happy,' he said without thought.

'You_ are _sentimental,' Hermione laughed.

'Careful. I'll half your salary,' Lucius threatened with a wink.

* * *

Hermione went straight into the kitchen, frowning when she saw Lucius wasn't at his desk as she bypassed his office. He hadn't said he'd be in a meeting this morning and he was never late. She sent a note out looking for him after an hour had passed. It came back to her unread; Lucius wasn't in the building.

Hermione went into his office and checked his diary- Lucius was meant to be as his desk.

'Is Mr Malfoy not well, Rose?' Hermione asked stepping back into the office she shared with her.

'There's been no letter off him. Is he not in a meeting?' The older woman peered over her tiny glasses at Hermione.

'No. His diary has nothing it and I needed to go over some ideas with him.' Hermione shrugged. 'I'll pop in on him on the way home. I'll put money on him being helpless when he's ill.'

'Aren't all men, dear?' Rose spoke sardonically.

* * *

Hermione Apparated outside the Malfoy grounds and swiftly made her way to the house. She found Lucius sitting on the top step leading to the door. He was unshaven, unkempt and his eyes were red-rimmed.

'Mr Malfoy?' Something didn't feel right.

'I hoped you would come. I didn't want to bother anyone…I'm quite proud, you know?' He rubbed his eyes as he peered at her like the daylight was too much. 'Rose doesn't pay attention to detail like you,' Lucius' voice was hoarse and held a tinge of pain.

'Lucius, what's happened?' Hermione asked him carefully. He looked like a skittish animal. One wrong move and everything would go wrong and fall apart. Suddenly it clicked. 'Where's Narcissa?'

'I couldn't wake her…she wouldn't wake up…I kept shaking her and she wouldn't wake up for me.' Tears slid down his cheeks. Hermione slowly sat down next to him on the step. 'All this magic,' he gestured wildly. Hermione flinched backwards and gently pushed his arm back down. 'We're meant to live long lives!' he spoke angrily.

'Lucius-'

'An aneurysm. It could have happened to any one of us- magical or not- they told me,' he told her quietly.

Hermione gently placed a hand on his forearm. She had nothing to say because words were not going to comfort him.

'_I_ was meant to go first…it was meant to be me!' Suddenly he couldn't hold back his sobs. Hermione was startled at seeing him in such a state. She slowly scooted closer, placing an arm round his back, rubbing it soothingly, while looping her free arm around his. He leant into it gratefully, a hand covering his face.

'Granger?' a voice she'd grown up with spoke behind her.

They both turned to see Draco coming out of the Manor. 'Are you okay, Draco?' Hermione asked, letting Lucius move away from her slightly and rub his face of the tears. She could see the numbness of what had happened already settling on Draco.

He came to take a seat on the other side of Hermione. 'I don't know what to do,' he admitted quietly.

'Stick together and keep each other company,' Hermione told them both simply. Lucius stared out at the grounds, the tears drying up. Draco gave a small nod, not really looking at her.

'Lucius, was there anything Narcissa wanted?' she asked as delicately as possible.

'To be with Nymphadora. She'd be regretting not spending time with her as she grew up,' Lucius muttered before looking at her with glassy eyes.

'I know it isn't what you want to think about right now, but would you like me to make some arrangements and contact anyone?'

Draco laughed hollowly.

'Not everyone is as forgiving as you, Miss Granger,' Lucius told her honestly.

'It's just the two of us now,' Draco added.

Hermione sighed heavily. They both looked broken and tired. 'I'm not family, but I'm here if that makes a difference to you.'

Draco said nothing but Lucius took her hand and kissed the back of it. 'It's more than we could ever ask of you,' Lucius smiled sadly before standing, keeping hold of Hermione's hand and helping her up to.

Hermione took a look down at Draco before looking back at Lucius. 'Get some rest. I'll come back in the morning and get things organised.' She touched his arm briefly before starting to walk away.

* * *

Hermione arrived home to find her best friends raiding her cupboards. 'Training?' she asked sitting down heavily at the kitchen table. Ron was always eating but when Harry joined him it meant some hard Auror training had been at work.

'I swear they want to break every bone in our bodies,' Harry joked before turning to look at her. 'What's happened? Did he do something?'

Ron stopped raiding the cupboard at that question to look at Hermione. 'Does this mean I can kill him now?'

'Oh hush,' Hermione said half-heartedly. She leant heavily on the table with her hand propping up her head. 'Narcissa died.'

Harry and Ron glanced awkwardly at each other before Ron spoke. 'You can't expect us to be sympathetic.'

'Have you forgotten that she saved Harry's life?' Hermione snapped sitting up.

'Have _you_ forgotten how vindictive they were to us?' Ron snapped back.

Harry shoved Ron before taking a seat opposite her. 'We're not as forgiving as you, Hermione. Just because they said sorry, it still doesn't make things okay, you know?' Harry said gently.

Hermione remained silent, tracing a knot in the wood of the table. She wasn't going to argue with her friends about this.

'Why are you so bothered about her dying?' Ron finally asked as he too took a seat. 'You barely spoke to her.'

'Because seeing Lucius in that state reminded me of when I finally realised I'd never see my parents again. Your heart breaks when it sinks in that you never got to tell them you love them one last time,' Hermione explained painfully. 'I wouldn't wish it on anyone.' She stood up. She needed a shower. 'Just don't hassle me about him for a little while, that's all I ask. And don't make a mess of my kitchen while I get a shower.'

'I think we can manage that,' Harry smiled.

* * *

The next morning Hermione sent an owl to the office without any details, just that neither Lucius nor herself would be in the office. It was up to Lucius when he wanted to tell people. She picked up her bag and set out for Malfoy Manor.

Narcissa had always been pleasant to her, but Hermione sometimes had the feeling she did it for her husband. It was little looks she would give Hermione when Narcissa came into the office, or the way she would say certain comments. Either way, Narcissa quite clearly loved her husband very much for her to put aside her feelings for Hermione that way. And for that, Hermione respected her deeply. Even with the past that they had. She just hoped that Narcissa would have been okay with her helping Lucius. Maybe she could ask a painting. They held an essence of the person within the frame.

When Hermione arrived at the Manor with rosy cheeks from the brisk walk, she found Lucius pacing the foyer. "Lucius?" Hermione spoke carefully. He looked like he was ready to break.

Lucius stopped pacing to look at her. "I'd like to do this quickly. I...I...Draco seems to be handling..." Lucius' shoulders sagged. "When will I stop missing her?" Lucius finally asked.

Hermione smiled sadly. "Never," she told him truthfully.

Lucius gave a resolute nod. "Thought as much. And the pain? I feel like I can't breathe properly."

"It eases eventually," Hermione put her bag down by the door and hung her coat up on the hooks to the far left of the double doors. "Have you eaten?"

"Don't mother me, Miss Granger!" Lucius snapped. The coolness in his grey eyes startled Hermione slightly, taking an involuntary step backwards. It reminded her a little bit of the old Lucius Malfoy. Lucius registered her look before Hermione could hide it from him. He opened his mouth to speak, making his expression softer.

"It doesn't matter," Hermione said softly with a small shake of her head. "Just tell me what you need and I'll arrange it for you."

Lucius watched her for a moment before speaking. "Her will is in my study." He gestured for her to follow him up the stairs. "It would appear she'd changed it recently with you in mind." Hermione paused on the stairs.

"Me?" Hermione found herself asking before continuing to follow him.

"You'll see," Lucius said simply. Hermione took in his appearance properly whilst she followed him. Usually Lucius was a well groomed man who looked extremely well for his years. Not to say he was old, but she'd seen younger men look a lot older than Lucius. Only now he looked his age and fragile. He'd quite clearly not been to bed, his rumpled clothes were the ones she'd seen him in yesterday.

When they reached Lucius' study, Hermione hovered in the middle of the room as Lucius went to his desk by the window. He came back to her with the will and a small note attached to it. Hermione glanced down at it seeing her name in a neat hand at the top. "Why don't you get some sleep and I'll start on the arrangements," Hermione suggested to him.

Lucius moved to the door silently. "I need to know something," Lucius suddenly said as he turned back to her. Hermione waited for the question. "Why are you helping us?"

Hermione sighed heavily. "It's hard to say this without making my friends sound callous, but I had no offers of help with my parents' funerals from them- only because none of them knew what to do for a Muggle funeral. And every time I had to arrange something I kept breaking down in front of complete strangers. I didn't want that for you."

"Why not?" Lucius asked.

"I wouldn't want it for anyone, Mr Malfoy," Hermione stated simply, "Grieving is hard enough without having to think of making any kind of arrangements." Lucius watched her carefully before giving a small nod and leaving.

Dear Hermione_, _

_If I know you correctly then I know you'll help Lucius in whatever way possible should I die. I may not have taken to you, but I see what a kind heart you have. Not many have that in these times. _

_Please look after him. My darling Draco is strong, but Lucius is still very much shaken with the things that happened. And I thank you for having a big enough heart to forgive us. I'll be forever in your debt for that._

_Even though I have never shown that I am grateful to you, I have left you a small amount of my inheritance. (My mother will be spinning in her grave at this, but we all need to adjust with the times.) Draco has the estate, you have no family left. Do what you will with it; just see it as a sign of my deep gratitude for all the time I never showed it to you._

_Tell Lucius and Draco I will always watch over them both. And make sure Draco gives me grandchildren! I hope that you will always be in their lives. They need someone like you around._

_Narcissa_

Hermione sat back in Lucius' chair with tears in her eyes. Never in her wildest dreams would she have believed this happening. And with that note, Hermione felt she had the blessing she needed off Narcissa to help Lucius. She obviously took in things more than she let on to people. A smart woman, in Hermione's eyes.

* * *

**Present Day**

Hermione woke up to find Ginny in her room, sitting in the rocking chair in the corner. It had been her mother's rocking chair and something she would take with her wherever she was in her life.

"Hermione Granger! You are stronger than this!" Ginny scolded as Hermione sat up. "I will no longer sit back and watch one of my best friends wallow in self-pity over a man!"

"Your mum's been speaking to you, hasn't she?" Hermione asked swinging her legs over the edge.

"Actually it was Harry," Ginny admitted with a guilty smile. "And I'm preparing you."

"Preparing me for what?" Hermione asked in confusion. Ginny hesitated before taking a newspaper off the windowsill and holding it out to her. Hermione took the paper and scanned the folded page Ginny had it at. Hermione felt like she'd been stabbed in the heart. There was an article about some grand ball being held for St Mungo's and in it held two sentences that made Hermione feel like she couldn't breathe. _In attendance was Lucius Malfoy. He appeared to be having a good time and moving on quickly from the wedding that never was with a mystery redhead._

"Now don't panic, Hermione. The redhead was me. And he wasn't having a good time, he looked miserable," Ginny spoke quickly standing up.

"So miserable that he went to a ball and couldn't find the time to marry me!" Hermione shouted. "And you! How could you!"

"Hermione," Ginny wailed, "I didn't expect to see him there, and when I did I went over to him and gave him a piece of my mind. He was quite pathetic really. Didn't even argue back."

Hermione sunk back down onto the bed. "I'm sorry. It's not your fault. I'm lashing out at whoever's near to me." She roughly wiped away the tears. "I miss him so much."

Ginny took a seat next to Hermione. "Why don't you open his letters? Or maybe visit him?" She put an arm around Hermione.

"No. He doesn't love me. If he did, he wouldn't have broken my heart the way he did. If he's miserable then it's his own damn fault!"

"If it helps any, I agree," a cool voice said from the door. Both Hermione and Ginny turned their heads quickly to see Draco at the door. "I wanted to see you sooner but I wasn't sure if I'd be welcome."

"It wasn't you who jilted me," Hermione told him bitterly. "Can you at least shed some light on why he did it?" Draco shook his head. "You know, all the time I was with him I never felt like I was enough. I felt I was completely inadequate for him."

"That isn't true," Draco told her firmly. "If anything, he could never understand why you wanted to be with him." Draco took a seat on the other side of Hermione. "You have to understand, Granger, my father would rather kill himself than purposely hurt you. There's more to it. There has to be."

"I think he has a point, Hermione," Ginny agreed softly, brushing back some stray hair from Hermione's face.

Hermione shrugged her shoulders in defeat. "I don't care. If he doesn't want me, then that's fine. There's nothing I can do about it. All I know is he won't get a second chance with me if he changes his mind."

* * *

Lucius rubbed his cheek roughly, still staring at the one paragraph he wanted so much to be erased. Gossip columns were the bane of his existence and today was no exception for his feelings towards them. They bloody well knew it was Ginny Weasley he'd been speaking to- or rather it had been _her_ speaking to him. Not that he didn't deserve everything she'd said.

Sipping the last of his cold tea, Lucius got up to get dressed. He would have to show his face in work for an hour. As he entered the foyer and headed to the stairs, Draco entered through the front door. "Where've you been?" Lucius asked with vague interest.

"To see Hermione," Draco stated simply. Lucius froze on the spot at the bottom of the stairs before slowly turning to him. Draco watched him coldly. "You're a fool!"

"What did she say?" Lucius demanded frantically. "Is she okay? Has she read my letters?" Lucius had crossed the foyer in less than five strides.

"She's a mess. You've ruined her and you'll never have her in your life again," Draco told him truthfully.

Lucius felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Straightening himself up to his full height helped him keep his balance and ignore the pain. "Did she not read my letters?" he asked again.

"What do you think? Letters mean nothing to her. It's actions she wants." Draco pushed past him. This conversation was over. Lucius sank down onto the bottom step; going into the office today was no longer an option for him.


	4. Chapter 3

**Three years, nine months, two weeks and four days earlier**

Hermione lazily tied her hair back as she continued to read over a document. It had been a long, stuffy day in the office and she'd made up her mind to leave early after she'd finished this last bit.

'Are you seeing Lucius today?' Rose asked as she tidied her desk.

'Yes,' Hermione answered with a small sigh. She was looking forward to it because the heat in the office was stifling.

'Can you get him to sign these then, please?' Rose placed a pile of parchments on her desk.

'You can visit him too, you know?' Hermione said softly. 'He doesn't bite.'

'And what would I say?' Rose asked indignantly 'I've never lost anyone. I don't know what he's going through. And before all this we only ever spoke about things that needed signing.'

'It was just a suggestion,' Hermione sighed again. The document was coming with her because she couldn't concentrate enough to finish it here.

'Quite frankly, Hermione, I don't understand how you can be so helpful to him after what…' Rose trailed off, suddenly turning her back on Hermione and fiddling with papers.

'After what?' Hermione didn't look up from her desk tidying. She was trying to act nonchalant because the truth be told, she knew exactly what Rose was going to say. She just hadn't realised that others knew.

'Nothing…let's just say you're a bigger person that me,' Rose said quickly, turning back to her desk.

Hermione stared at Rose carefully before speaking. 'I'd be a fool not to know about it, Rose, but the point is that Lucius Malfoy is doing his utmost best to rectify what he did. I would even forgive Lord Voldemort if I thought his apology was as sincere as Lucius' apology.' Hermione took a deep breath and roughly brushed some stray hairs from her face.

Rose stared at her stunned. 'As I said- you're a bigger person than me,' Rose admitted quietly in defeat.

'Maybe. Or maybe I'm just gullible and need to believe that there's still good in people,' Hermione admitted as she shoved the paperwork into a folder. 'I'll see you tomorrow.'

* * *

Hermione found Lucius in the dining room pouring over his latest idea, parchment spread out everywhere. It'd been a month since Narcissa's funeral and he was taking things slow, but still coping better than she thought he would.

'How's your day been?' Hermione asked politely throwing the folder onto the table as she walked past him for the kitchen door.

'Better than yesterday, worse than tomorrow,' Lucius spoke, peering over his glasses at the folder she'd put down.

'Stop doing that. I love that saying and you're ruining it for me,' Hermione grumbled as she pushed through the door.

'That can be gotten for you,' Lucius called after her but she was already gone.

'There's forms in the folder for you to sign,' Hermione told him as she came back through with drinks for them both.

'I think I'll start coming back into the office next week. You can't keep coming here with work for me,' Lucius muttered as he picked up the folder.

'Oh,' Hermione paused as she put their drinks down on the table. 'Sorry. I'll be out of your hair once you've signed the forms.'

Lucius put everything he was holding back down on the table and turned in his chair to look at her. 'Did I miss something then?' Lucius asked in confusion.

'I thought I was being helpful, but Harry and Ron are always telling me that I can be too much sometimes. You just had to say, I would've owled you everything,' Hermione rambled on.

Lucius leant back in his chair, having become used to Hermione taking things out of context. 'Enlighten me. How did you come to this conclusion?' he asked in bemusement.

Hermione fidgeted on the spot, blushing. 'You said that I can't keep coming here with work for you.'

'Yes, because it is not fair for you to come out of your way all the time- even if I selfishly prefer it this way,' Lucius told her pulling the chair out next to him. Hermione took the seat side on to face him. 'Don't you think you know me well enough now that I would tell you if you were a bother?'

'You can thank your son for that,' Hermione muttered in embarrassment, 'And Harry and Ron. Quite clearly I need some more female company in my life.' She glanced down at her hands as she picked at a hangnail.

'Or maybe some people who didn't tease you all the time.' Lucius patted her hands before turning back to the paperwork. 'How was your day?'

'Long, stuffy and tedious. This summer will see the end of me,' Hermione sighed as she turned into the table and took a long sip of her drink. 'You'll come in next week and find a puddle at my desk. That's all I'll be. A puddle.'

Lucius merely raised an eyebrow slightly at the mental picture of this as he signed the last form with a flourish and put the parchments back into the folder.

'If you could melt the week after that would be much appreciated. I won't be as upset at finding a replacement then,' Lucius teased slightly.

'Thank you very much,' Hermione responded indignantly. 'What's next week?' She took the folder off him and leant closer to see what he'd been working on.

'I'm setting up an office of sorts for the Muggle parents to visit with all their questions after they have had the visit. The Minister would like it set up sooner rather than later whilst we still have a whole month before the start of the new school year. With your background I felt you would be better setting it up,' Lucius told her as he handed her some information on buildings he'd been looking at in London.

Hermione beamed at him with pride. 'That's a fantastic idea!'

'It is, if I do say so myself,' Lucius preened, scooping everything together.

'I assume you don't know the meaning of modesty?' Hermione laughed before finishing her drink.

Lucius shrugged a shoulder indifferently.

'Maybe we could also look at setting more office up and down the country. A commute to London to ask some questions and be reassured face-to-face isn't always practical if you live a few hours away. They'd have to take a train or drive, or maybe even a plane from Ireland, it's not instant for them,' Hermione suggested excitedly.

'I never thought of that,' Lucius admitted as he took his glasses off. 'Well we will get this one open and then start expanding after that.'

Hermione smiled as she stood up. 'Okay. So I have your signatures-' she waved the folder at him '-and I see that you're surviving. I shall now be on my way.' Hermione took the glasses back into the kitchen before coming back for her folder, bag and wand. 'Make sure Draco eats something.'

'Thank you, Miss Granger,' Lucius suddenly said sombrely, grabbing her wrist as she made to go past him.

'I'm only doing my job,' she told him honestly, looking at her wrist in bemusement.

'Caring is not in your job description. I'm thanking you for that.' He held her gaze firmly. She could still see how much he missed Narcissa in his eyes.

She shrugged with an embarrassed smile, her wrist still in his hand. 'Someone has to make sure you're getting a shave from time to time.'

'It means a lot to me- to both of us.' He squeezed her wrist gently.

'Are you being sentimental again?' Hermione teased. 'People will talk if you do it too often.'

Lucius smiled at her tiredly. 'You don't take a compliment very well.'

'It's not that.' She gently took her arm back from him. 'I won't lie. It makes me nervous when you're so nice to me still.' Lucius let that sink before nodding in understanding. She took a step to leave before turning back to him. 'I care because of the great lengths you've gone through to make amends with me. It's braver than anything I've ever done.'

'Come now. We both know that isn't true,' Lucius said, leaving their unspoken history still unsaid.

Hermione smiled widely at before finally leaving…ignoring the tingle of where his hand had been holding her wrist.

Lucius waited until he heard the door shut before going to one of the windows to watch Hermione walk down to the gates. One of these days he would have to tell her before he became too attached to having her around him. Only every time he thought about it and what her reaction might be to him, a painful squeeze rippled through him. He still needed her in his own selfish way.

Once he'd seen Hermione close the gate and Disapparated, Lucius left the room to visit Narcissa's portrait in the living room.

'Lucius, my darling,' Narcissa greeted him warmly.

'I have to tell Hermione,' Lucius responded.

'Now don't be foolish,' Narcissa told him nervously. 'You'll devastate the poor girl and she'll leave your life.'

'I don't have any right over her. I'm being selfish. I thought I'd gotten over that part of me when it nearly cost us our son.' Lucius poured himself a large Firewhiskey and sunk down into the couch opposite the portrait.

'Listen to me, darling. Hermione Granger is just the influence you've needed in your life. Draco needs her too whether he likes to admit it or not. Do not be hasty in sending her away, Lucius or you'll be a lost man.'

Lucius stared at his drink without responding to Narcissa.

* * *

**Present Day**

The majority of letters Hermione had sent enquiring about jobs had responded fairly quickly, all asking her to come in for a chat. She sighed heavily and threw them on top of the new, un-opened letter off Lucius. None of the jobs were what she wanted. She'd been perfectly happy in the job she had, yet she knew she couldn't continue on in it, no matter how professional and distant she felt she could be.

One was going to have to be picked though. Money wasn't an issue yet but it would be in four or five months.

Hermione let out another heavy sigh and pulled Lucius' letter from under the pile. She pondered opening it for a second before moving to the drawer and placing it with the others. Ginny and Luna walked in as she closed the drawer again.

'Morning,' she greeted them as she moved back to the table and gathered up the letters.

'Another one?' Ginny asked as she moved to the kettle. A small flick of her wan and it was doing its job.

'Every day they come. Every day I put them in that drawer.' Hermione ignored the image of his handwriting flashing in her mind. 'So what can I do for you two?' she asked taking a seat next to Luna.

'We're taking you out to lunch. It's time to see the big wide world again,' Ginny informed her firmly.

'That would be lovely,' Hermione spoke flatly.

'Now don't argue- it's been a month- wait…sorry. I was expecting an argument off you,' Ginny laughed.

'No. It's time I started getting out. The sooner I get it over with, the sooner things will start to feel normal again.'

'Do you really believe that?' Luna asked in that dreamy voice she always seemed to have.

'No. But I'll give it a go,' Hermione admitted.

* * *

Lucius was stepping out of Flourish and Blott's when he saw her. Ironically, he was only there because an order Hermione had made a week before the wedding had arrived, so hit plan was to pick it up and deliver it. He watched, frozen on the step as her friends spoke to her while they walked along. He daren't move in case she spotted him.

With an overwhelming feeling of guilt, Lucius took in every bit of Hermione. She was too thin and looked fragile. There were dark circles round her eyes, almost like they were bruised. He could see she was listening to everything her friends were saying, but her heart wasn't in it. He'd caused it.

Lucius nearly lost his composure and the ability to hide his emotions when Hermione suddenly glanced at him. She stopped dead, Ginny and Luna didn't realise for a couple of seconds. Her lovely brown eyes were cold, distant and…dead. What had he done to her?

Since that fateful day he was doomed to hurt her, even before he'd fallen in love with her and now more than ever his past actions haunted him. Hermione started to take a step to him and Lucius found himself moving away from her. After all those letters every day and wishing he could just see her, get her to talk to him, he couldn't face it now that he had.

Lucius pushed his way through the people away from Hermione, ignoring the painful call of his name as he did so. He kept his head forward so that he never saw Ginny and Luna huddle round her and keep her occupied as tears slipped down her cheeks. 'Lucius,' she whispered. He wasn't sure how, but he heard it.

* * *

Instead of going back to the Manor, Lucius found himself standing outside Hermione's cottage. For all he knew she could be back any moment now after seeing him walk away from her. He shook the thought from his head. His Hermione was stronger than that. Yes, he'd hurt her, but she would move on quickly.

Staring at the wooden door for a few minutes, Lucius realised she wouldn't be back just yet. He let himself in quickly, ignoring the accusing gaze of an old Crookshanks while he sat on the chair by the fireplace.

Lucius took in the room. It was sparser than the last time he'd been here when he helped her move out. Just furniture, no pictures or things that had Hermione's stamp on it. A glance to the far corner gave him his explanation- a pile of boxes, all full. She hadn't unpacked properly.

Bring the books from under his arm Lucius placed them on the small coffee table in front of the couch. He moved carefully and deliberately up the stairs to Hermione's bedroom. The bed was unmade and there were two books on the bedside table. A cardigan rested on the rocking chair he'd given her. He couldn't help himself when he picked it up and smelt her scent on it.

This was all so much worse than when Narcissa had died. She was gone and he couldn't fix that. This he had the ability to fix. So why didn't he? Would she be able to forgive him?

Lucius went back downstairs, cardigan still in hand, going to the kitchen, looking for the drawer he'd seen her keep her post a couple of years ago. He found it quickly and there, like a slap to the face, were his letters. Not one had been opened.

Moving swiftly, he gathered the letters up and left. Having seen her like this, Lucius would rather her believe that he didn't love her anymore than know he had killed her parents.


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **All J K Rowling's.

**Note: **I apologise for the length of time it took me to put this up here. It's not that it wasn't written, I just kept writing the story but forgot to put some up here. I do remember having issues with some of the things in it as I was writing this bit; let me know if there's anything at fault or not working. I haven't read this section back over either :/, very remiss of me, but I will go over it in a few days and edit if there's anything untoward. In the meantime, please forgive me for any sloppiness, I hope you enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think...please? :)

* * *

**Chapter Four**

**Three years, five months, one week and two days earlier**

Life after Narcissa's death slowly resumed back to normal for Lucius. It helped that organising the offices for Muggle parents to visit kept him busy. During work hours and at meetings, Lucius held his composure. He would graciously accept what few condolences he got and swiftly move on to the matter at hand. A few commented how cold he seemed about it all.

He couldn't fool Mrs Weasley though. She saw straight through the cold demeanour as his way of coping with it. She'd seen him a few weeks previously when she'd popped into Hermione's cottage with a large pan of stew for her. As a mother who had lost a child, she could relate to what she was seeing in the man who had lost his wife.

Hermione on the other hand, always saw what Lucius was feeling. He never hid it from her. She put it down to the fact they spent all that time together and he was probably too exhausted to put a front on for her when he'd been doing it all day with all those other people.

It was late on afternoon that Hermione found herself quickly trailing after Lucius in some countryside in the middle of England. Christmas was right around the corner and it had brought the snow already. She pulled her cloak tightly round herself, burying her face down into her thick wool scarf as she peered through the falling snowflakes. She kept losing her footing on the snow and could feel a cold coming on.

Lucius on the other hand was striding through the small town, ignoring the weather. Today was a good day. He felt alive, with the cold completely waking him up. He loved the snow. Realising Hermione wasn't keeping up he turned to find her a few paces behind looking a little bit bedraggled.

'Do you want to leave this one to me?' he called back to her.

'No…I'm fine…' she called back breathlessly, ignoring the burning sensation in her chest. Definitely a cold coming on. 'This is the last…office. I need…to see…it through.' She kept her head down and aimed in the direction she thought Lucius was standing.

Lucius peered down at her when she finally reached him. 'Are you okay? You look…' Lucius trailed off at her glassy stare.

'I'll be fine once I'm warm,' Hermione told him with a defiant look.

Lucius looked like he was about to argue with her. He thought better of it when she gave him a challenging look. 'We're nearly there.' He pointed to a small row of village shops with an empty one at the end.

Hermione took a step forward and stumbled again. Lucius grabbed her arm and linked it around his. 'Come on. You hold on and we will get there in a reasonable time,' Lucius teased with a straight face and a squeeze to her hand.

Hermione didn't say anything as he led her over to the empty shop, helping her to keep her footing in the snow. She was trying to ignore the feel of his hand still holding her hand. Slowly but surely in the past month or two feelings were developing for Lucius and Hermione wasn't entirely comfortable with them. She just hoped with all her being that Lucius hadn't noticed and that the feelings would soon pass. Another thing she put down to the amount of time they spent together.

Finally, they reached the shop and Hermione took her arm away quickly with the pretence of shaking snow off her cloak. Lucius strode into the room purposefully, taking in the fixtures and fittings, not noticing the distance she put between them quickly.

'What do you think? Too small?' Lucius asked with a last glance round the corner into another room before turning back to Hermione.

Her response was to shiver, nod, then sneeze. Three times. Lucius took a step backwards. 'Are you ill?'

'I'm fine,' Hermione told him snappily as she pushed pass him to look in the room. Lucius gave her a wide berth. He wasn't a fan of illnesses and being ill, it brought out his inner child.

'This will be a lovely place for the parents to visit. Especially in the summer months. It's just right, Mr Malfoy.' She smiled for the first time since arriving in the area and then sneezed for a fourth time. 'On that note. I'm now going home for a hot bath. I'll see you in the office on Monday.'

'It's not too small then?' Lucius asked grabbing her wrist before she could Disapparate.

'How many Muggle parents of Magical children do you think there are in the country, Mr Malfoy?' Hermione smiled at him. It looked a little forced, as she didn't like the effect he was having on her these days. 'I wish you would stop insisting on the offices being large. There's no need. It would be wasteful.' She gently gave his forearm a squeeze before stepping away so that he was no longer holding onto her wrist.

'You're right. I know you're right.' He rubbed his cheek thoughtfully as he took one last look around the place. 'That's it then. The last office to be found. I'll sign the papers tonight.'

'Congratulations on your project being finished,' Hermione laughed, feeling herself being infected by his good mood- even if she was feeling a bit under the weather. 'You've done a wonderful job.'

'Thank you, Miss Granger,' Lucius told her gratefully. He was still taking in the small building when she took that moment to go. She refused to let these 'feelings' get any worse. It wasn't right.

The distinct 'pop' brought Lucius back to his senses. Turning round to see Hermione but knowing she'd be gone disappointed him slightly. She was the only company he could bear these days and she seemed to be keeping him at arm's length. He wasn't entirely sure what he'd done wrong now.

For a moment he felt his face go hot then cold as Lucius thought about Hermione knowing. Could she? Who would have told her? No- he was imagining it. Surely her reaction would be worse than this if she did know?

Hoping that she wasn't a fast mover and in the mentioned bath yet, Lucius locked up the building and Disapparated into Hermione's kitchen. Hermione swore in a very loud and unladylike manner at the sudden appearance of her boss. Lucius raised an eyebrow.

'What are you doing here?' she gasped, clutching at her chest in hope that it would get her heartbeat down quickly.

'Have I done something to offend you, Miss Granger?' Lucius got straight to the point.

'Yes! You've scared the living hell out of me!' she snapped before sneezing violently.

'I apologise for that, but I was referring to your behaviour in general,' Lucius said.

'I don't understand,' Hermione lied as she turned to fill up her kettle. She thought she'd kept her behaviour under control.

'I believe you do and I'd like to know what I've done to upset you?' Lucius told her carefully as he shook off his cloak and draped it across her kitchen chair.

'I think you should leave it alone because you've done nothing to upset me,' Hermione told him carefully as she lit the stove with her wand and put the kettle on the flame. When she turned to face him and throw her wand on the table, he was stood watched her carefully, leaning on his cane with his right hand.

'I've done something then?' Lucius finally asked once she'd taken her cloak and scarf off before throwing it over a chair near her.

'_You_ haven't done anything,' she sighed. She held his gaze and she could see the thoughts going through his mind. He knew something was wrong, but he didn't know what. That was something at least.

Forcing herself to stop holding his gaze, Hermione turned back to the cupboards. 'I'm assuming you'll be staying for a cup of tea then?'

'I'll be staying for as long as it takes for you to tell me the truth,' Lucius told her firmly before taking a seat to prove his point.

Great, Hermione thought, no bath for my cold and me. She sneezed as though to reaffirm the cold was taking hold. She quickly washed her hands before pulling out two cups from the cupboard. Fine. Two could play at this game.

Two cups of tea were made. Hermione placed a cup in front of Lucius with milk and sugar. 'I'm getting my bath with a cold potion and my tea. Do as you please,' Hermione told him snippily with a wide smile.

'Naturally, I will,' Lucius told her pleasantly as he poured a drop of milk into his tea. 'Do not expect me to have left while you're getting your bath.'

'That would be out of the question,' Hermione muttered to herself as she left the room.

* * *

One cold potion taken, a bath so hot she was looking a little raw and a cup of tea later, Hermione was going downstairs in her comfiest clothes with some trepidation. She was torn between wishing Lucius gone and still being there. Her feelings were now at the stage of being strong enough to wish him around all the time. She didn't like it.

Tying her hair into a wet bun, Hermione slowly walked into the living room. Not there. But there was a delicious smell of chicken wafting through from the kitchen. Surely not…he wouldn't know how…would he?

Hermione practically flew through the living room into the kitchen to see this miracle; Lucius Malfoy cooking. She was sadly disappointed to find him still sat at the kitchen table reading through some of her old notes she used to make when she was learning something new and a House-Elf currently tasting some chicken soup.

'Do you mind?' Hermione snapped indignantly as she gathered up the pieces of parchment and folder from in front of him, desperately trying to ignore that she was leaning against him while she picked everything up.

'Are they personal?' Lucius asked innocently with a hint of humour.

'As they were in a draw, and you've quite clearly gone snooping, then yes, they are personal,' Hermione snapped. For some reason she could feel tears coming to her eyes with frustration.

Lucius stood as Hermione started to move away with the messy pile. She ignored him as she went into the living room to put them back in the drawer he'd got them from.

'Why is Winnie here cooking?' Hermione sniffed when she heard him come into the room. She quickly wiped the few stray tears but didn't turn to face him.

Closing the door to the kitchen, Lucius asked his question again. 'I've quite clearly done something, Miss Granger. After everything you've done for me these past few months, will you allow me to fix what I have done?'

Hermione took a deep breath, feeling slightly less frustrated and teary as she did so. Fine. He asked for it and now she was going to have to find a new job.

'Why do you need to know?' Hermione asked first as she turned to look at him. He was still stood by the door, nothing in his face giving away that he knew what she was about to tell him. 'What makes you even think you've done anything wrong?'

'You haven't been yourself for the past two weeks. You won't look at me. You won't talk to me about anything other than work. You haven't been to the Manor in as long and so I ask again, what have I done?' Lucius asked.

'I've told you that _you_ haven't done anything wrong. It's _me_!' Hermione told him in frustration. 'I've been so stupid to let it happen. I don't understand how it _did_ happen.'

'Miss Granger,' Lucius said gently.

'You have to understand that I didn't expect it to happen- I didn't _mean_ for it to happen.'

'Miss Granger,' Lucius tried again watching her twisting her hands.

'I'm not expecting anything from it and I was trying to keep it to myself, but you had to keep pushing me.' Tears were falling down her cheeks. Frustrated tears. She rubbed them away quickly.

'Miss Granger, you've lost me,' Lucius told her taking a step forward. He stopped when she took a step back into the bookshelf. He ignored the pain that he felt at seeing her back away like that. 'What is it you're talking about?'

Hermione took a breath, wiped the fresh tears and closed her eyes for a second before telling him. 'Mr Malfoy…I've developed these….feelings. For you.' She let her eyes go to his to see if she could see his reaction to her announcement.

Lucius stared at her. He felt like he should be shocked by this but he wasn't. Not even a little bit. Hermione looked absolutely terrified of him at that moment.

'You've just lost your wife, the love of your life, and it isn't lost on me the irony of it all. Not to mention the distaste, but you wouldn't leave it alone,' Hermione told him feebly. He still stared, not saying anything. She wished he would say something. Anything.

'I can't take it back now, and I'm not wanting anything from it, but obviously I'll have to hand my notice in.'

That seemed to shake him out of his daze. 'Why?' he asked simply.

'Because,' she started in shock that he would ask the question, 'if I don't, my feelings will only get worse and it'll affect my work. I know it will.'

Nothing was said as Hermione looked everywhere except at Lucius while he held his stare at her. They could hear Winnie pottering around the kitchen as both tried to figure what could be said.

'I don't know what to say,' Lucius finally spoke.

'I think your silence said everything,' Hermione smiled sadly at him. She wished with all her heart she hadn't started to feel for him that way because it had ruined everything.

'Why would you do something silly like that?' Lucius asked. She shrugged her shoulders. 'You can do far better than me. You deserve someone better than me.'

'The heart wants what the heart wants,' Hermione stated simply, a line she had heard so many times but never fully understood. Not even when she had been with Ron.

'Are you saying…' Lucius trailed off, scrutinizing her. Surely not. He found himself hoping a tiny bit. 'Are you saying that you love me?'

Hermione wouldn't look at him. That told him the answer.

Lucius opened his mouth as a small knock came at the living room door from the kitchen. 'Begging your pardons,' Winnie's voice squeaked through the closed door, 'Soup is ready.'

'I'm afraid I'm not very hungry right now,' Hermione told him with a small smile. She quickly left the room for upstairs, leaving Lucius stood in her living room unsure how to react to this.

* * *

**Present Day**

Hermione had been stood staring at the books on the little table in her living room for over ten minutes. Three innocuous objects that were harmless enough sitting there for someone to read. The only problem was that they weren't there when she'd left and she had a vague memory of ordering them weeks ago.

She hadn't even taken her cloak off or put her wand down. She had felt something off in the room and spotted them not long after. It could only mean one thing; Lucius had been in her cottage whilst she'd been out. She found herself getting angry as one word circled in her brain: coward. First he runs off when she sees him in Diagon Alley and then he decides to leave these books whilst she was there! He was nothing more than a coward.

'Are they cursed?' a voice asked from the kitchen door.

Hermione jumped as she turned to see Harry stood leaning against the doorframe. 'They may as well be,' she finally answered. 'How long have you been here?' She put her wand into her back jeans pocket before shrugging off her cloak and throwing it on the couch.

'Long enough to see you fixated on those books,' Harry teased a little bit. She smiled tightly before entering the kitchen to put the kettle on. 'Silly question, but how are you doing?' He took the kettle off her and pushed her to sit down.

'I don't know, Harry,' she sighed heavily, taking a seat, 'I never thought I'd be this woman who let herself get wound up over a man, but then I remember back to school and how things were with Ron.' She laughed bitterly. 'I've been such a fool, Harry. A leopard doesn't change his spots.'

Harry grabbed two cups from the cupboard before turning to face her. 'One; Ron was typical school stuff that every teenager goes through. Two; you were jilted on your wedding day, of course you're allowed to be like this. And three; I think there's more to it, Hermione. Not that I'm defending him,' Harry added the latter.

'What do you mean?' Hermione asked, curious as to why Harry would be defending him.

'The only thing I ever agreed with Lucius Malfoy about was keeping you safe and happy. After everything you've done for me and losing your mum and dad, we came to an agreement to make sure that you would be happy.' He took the boiling kettle off the stove.

'Did I not get a say in the matter?' Hermione asked in bemusement.

'Not this time you didn't. Ron was there too,' Harry came over to the table with the cups of tea.

'Speaking of Ron, where is he?' Hermione interrupted.

'Mrs Weasley's roped him into helping with some stuff at home,' Harry told her quickly before getting back to the matter at hand, 'Anyway, the last time I'd seen Lucius that determined about something was when I'd released Dobby and he was determined to make me pay for it.'

'What are you getting at, Harry?' Hermione had the urge for sugar in her tea today. 'This isn't exactly explaining why the man who supposedly loves me decides that he can't marry me on our wedding day.' She flicked her wand and the sugar bowl whizzed across to her, nearly clipping Harry over the head.

'Since when have you taken sugar?' Harry asked as she heaped a small teaspoon into her cup.

'Since the man I love practically ran away from me today and appears to have been in my house not long after said incident,' Hermione snapped as she gestured wildly to the living room that was harbouring the books.

'At risk of getting a curse or two thrown at me, you have been refusing to open his letters and seeing what he has to say for himself,' Harry pointed out gently. He flinched slightly to ready himself for a slap at the bear minimum, but nothing came.

Hermione sighed and sank down heavily on the table. 'Tell me what to do, Harry, because I'm so completely and utterly lost. I love him so much but I can never forgive him for this.'

'I think you can, Hermione. This isn't the worst he's done and you forgave him for all that. Talk to him,' Harry took hold of her hand, 'or at least read all the letters he keeps sending. Maybe there's an explanation in one of them.' Hermione gave him a look that made him a little bit scared of what she might do.

'Maybe in a day or two. I'm too angry with him right now. I'm not sure if the explanation will ever be enough for me to forgive him, Harry,' Hermione told him truthfully. He responded by squeezing her hand tightly.

* * *

Lucius stood in front of his fireplace with a small flame lit in it. He couldn't decide if he should keep the letters he'd written for Hermione or burn them. An unexpected force knocked them from his hand and into the flames. He spun round to face the cause of it. Lucius almost laughed with glee when he saw his tormentor stood in the doorway to the sitting room and his wand was to hand this time.

With a sharp, quick movement of his wand, Lucius hit him with a stinging hex. Unfortunately, it was expected and it merely bounced off a shield and left a hefty crack in a wall.

'So predictable,' he sneered, 'I thought I'd made it clear that you were to move on from Hermione Granger and here you are writing letters to her.'

'It is of no concern to you whether I wrote to her or not,' Lucius snapped, rage building up in his chest.

'It is when I know your secret, Lucius, and it continues to matter to me when you don't want her to know!'

'This is the last time I will ask the question; what is it you want from me?' Lucius demanded through gritted teeth, his fist gripping his wand tightly.

'What I've said before. To stop you making a fool of yourself by tainting your lineage. You're father really would be ashamed of you.' The tormentor took a step into the room.

Lucius stared at him for a moment before something sunk in for him. 'No. This is something more than me marrying someone who isn't a Pureblood. This is simply about me marrying Hermione Granger, isn't it?'

There was no response.

'Isn't it?' Lucius demanded more forcefully. Again he was met with silence and eye contact was avoided. 'I'm waiting for an answer!'

'No! It is _not_ about Hermione Granger. Now moving on. It's time you started aligning yourself with someone else. A Pureblood. Do I make myself clear?'

Lucius laughed derisively as he took a seat in the chair by the fire. 'I am not…_aligning_ myself with someone, as you put it, for your own fun and games. I'd rather not have anyone. Do _I_ make myself clear?' Lucius told him carefully, trying his utmost best to keep his cool. This was getting beyond ridiculous. The only thing keeping him at bay is the thought of Hermione if she knew.

'That's where you're wrong, Lucius. We're playing my game, so it's my rules.'

Lucius watched his tormentor as he paced the room, seemingly trying to think of the perfect person to match him up with. This was about Hermione, he just couldn't put his finger on it in what manner it was about her. Vengeance? Jealousy? Whatever it was, it made him think that if it was about Hermione, maybe it was best she knew the truth so that she could never be hurt by whatever games this person had in store. Not telling her was more about his own self-preservation, wasn't it?

'Ginny Weasley,' he suddenly spoke up.

'What about her?' Lucius asked grimly.

'A Pureblood and around the age you seem to like these days. She's perfect.'

'No,' Lucius said calmly.

'You say that now, but I'm sure you'll come round to my way of thinking when you have time to sleep on it,' he said with a small, sadistic smile to Lucius. 'Think about it.' He was gone before Lucius finally realised what his game was: to hurt Hermione Granger.


End file.
